Saying 'goodbye'

It's been a very hard week for me. My 'baby' has passed along. Mimi, a.k.a. Sushi, came to me as a kitten so tiny that I held her in the palm of my hand while I feed her baby formula from a bottle. She stayed with me all the time, even sitting on the bathtub ledge while I showered. She grew into a feisty young lady that, much like me, did not like being told what to do. We had a mutual understanding, she and I: she was boss and I was O.K. with that. And the other night I came home to chaos as everyone struggled with how to tell me what had happened - horrible. I could not understand why all this had happened. surreal. no. must be a bad dream. and now only 3 days later I am still having a very difficult time coming to grips with it all. I still see her in everything - her toys are here and there, her scratch box in the middle of the room and her hair is everywhere. She had a Buddy, and Buddy is still here: wondering where she went and what is wrong. Buddy and I are coping. I am positive that everyone else around think that I am exaggerating over a silly cat, a cat that no one else much liked but myself (even Buddy wasn't sure). This immense feelings of hurt will pass - I know this, I have been through this before. Only this time she was my baby, and saying goodbye just won't do.